Preston at 3: A Progress Report

Asher looked forward to his younger brother's birthday. "I'm excited for Preston to turn 3, so he'll know how to share and won't hit me and bite me!" I tried to gently explain that learning and growth were gradual processes, but it didn't quite stick. The morning of Preston's third birthday, a confused Asher walked out of their shared bedroom and exclaimed, "Preston still looks two!"

None the less, the boy is now officially 3 and when asked how old he is, will hold up 3 fingers via the "OK" sign, and say, "Free and a haff!" It's a 6-month lie (innocently inspired by his brother's incessant pronouncement that he's "5-and-a-half!"), but still pretty cute. 

Other cute things about Preston right now: He has a love of small things, and any time he sees a small version of something, for example - a tiny grape amidst those of average-size - shouts, "Aw, mommy look - a SWEET grape!" 

I'm also just low-class enough to mention his cute terminology for doing his big business on the toilet. When he needs to go number 2, he says "Mommy, I need to go squeezes!" or "Look - I went squeezes on the toilet!" Tonight after an especially diminutive bowel movement, he said,  "Aw, look - a SWEET squeeze!" Sorry to make you uncomfortable. Just one of those little things we'll completely forget if I don't record that we want to chuckle about later. :)

Celebrating successful squeezing at the "ice cream shop". There's a Baskin Robbins right next to our house now, and while it's no Jeni's, I still foresee us spending plenty of happy time and calories there.

Preston is one who relies on his naps to maintain human form, which makes 1:00 PM church a trial of our faith. There have been some pretty rough moments. But a couple months ago, we started bringing his tacky Spider Man blanket and travel pillow to church with us. Sometimes it pays to be shameless...the child is now in the routine of conking out for a two hour pew nap like a little homeless person. The sanctity of our Sabbath is saved. 

Though Preston maintains that characteristic of being ready to fight at the slightest provocation, he is happy and affectionate the majority of the time. Really. When he's in an especially good mood, he'll grab your face and just lay one on you, then won't pull away until you sort of pry him off (yes, I've wondered about how this will go in high school; not sure if he'll make me a young grandmother, or never at all :). 

He's also more verbally affectionate lately, which really melts us. Last weekend, he dumped the last of the soap into the tub at once to create, in the words of Asher, "The funnest bath [they'd] ever had!" They had a marvelous time playing, and we heard Preston say again and again, "I love you, Asher. I love 

you, Asher."

Preston's old permascowl has been fading fast, and the former grump has become quite friendly, even to strangers. Instead of snubbing new faces, he now often says, "Hey, wassyo naaame?" When asked his own name, extends a hand to shake and responds, "I'm Pressen Andoo Steah. Nice to meechu!" 

He's also gaining a handle on the ole' aggression. I may be his mother, but since Preston's transformation into troubled toddler, have become his parole officer as well. I long to see him overcome his violent outbursts and regain good citizen status. And while he still has relapses (cut to him hitting a little girl at the Y yesterday, then telling me about it in a disturbingly casual tone), the young man seems well on the path to reform. Angry with Asher amidst a Kinetic Sand dispute last weekend, I saw him rear back, then stop himself, fist trembling mid-punch. Maybe he knew I was watching. But I like to think we're loving the serial killer right out of him. 

He also sings all the time. That's a hallmark sign of a happy child, right? His current favorites include "Ghostbusters," the Spider Man theme song, Sesame Street classics "Rubber Ducky" and "C is for Cookie," as well as more more contemporary selections like Maroon 5's "Love Somebody," and Walk the Moon's "Shut Up and Dance."  I carefully edit this last one when it plays by shouting "COME ON and dance with me!" over the chorus. It's worked like a charm and the boys delight to sing the modified version (although, the crude censorship is not foolproof. Asher recently came to me with squinted eyes and said, "Mom, I think it's actually 'Shum on' and dance with me." Mmm, is that right? ...Oops.)

But even in his happier, less violent form, Preston is still more "boy" than I could have ever prepared for. He loves all things super hero, Buzz Lightyear, and Lightning McQueen. He wants to constantly wrestle and be tickled and chased. The kid is plain rough, and I've informed Andrew Preston may suffer from "high T". There is no cure. Only bedtime.

This child keeps us laughing, guessing, fuming, and melting. We're (almost always) SO happy he's ours. 

When Life Gives You Kindergarten

Asher started school on Wednesday the 12th, marking the end of our "all the kids at home" chapter. Leading up to it, I was surprised by how emotional I felt...tears would spring to my eyes every time I thought of these tender years being over with him. Andrew was empathetic, but a little stunned by my intermittent blubbering. I'd attribute the water works to pregnancy, but have been my old stone cold self the last 7 months. My heart just felt heavy and my head swirled with questions: had I taught Asher enough? Did we make enough happy memories together? Read enough books? I started resenting every minute of idle screen time I'd ever allowed him, and felt desperate to make each moment of our fading summer meaningful.

Then Preston got some crazy stomach bug and was in worse shape than we'd ever seen him. After a vomit filled night, the following afternoon was Asher's Kindergarten preview day, where the kids go to school for a few hours with their teachers and half their class, and parents come into the school and meet everyone. I really didn't want Asher to miss the chance to acclimate, so reluctantly packed up a listless Preston and covered him in the stroller. Asher had no problem whatsoever with our leaving him with strangers in an unfamiliar classroom, which was a mildly painful relief. I wheeled our sick toddler back to the van, who proceeded to throw up all over himself, and fall asleep. I bought myself a smoothie and pretended it was alcohol.

I sat in our driveway and opened the sweet packet Asher's teacher had handed out to parents. The sappy note was a tsunami to the run-down surf shack of my composure. There was a time I prided myself on my emotional stability, but as I sat in my driveway crying and sad drinking a smoothie, vomit-covered child in the backseat, I realized "imbalanced" might be my new middle name. But how could I be turning my 5-year-old over to the state 8 hours a day, 5 days a week? Should I be homeschooling him? Would Preston even live to see kindergarten?

Since he had already had a blessing and was now at 24 hours without holding down any fluids, I called our close family members and asked them to pray. They were all so sweet about it. I let the poor boy sleep as long as I could before having to clean him up, change his clothes, and turn around to pick up Asher. Miraculously, he suddenly began talking and acting like himself. He held down some juice and continued to improve. I felt so grateful for the power of prayer. 

Asher had a fantastic time at kindergarten preview day, and it put us all at ease. The night before school started, Andrew sat him down for a little pre-school talk and father's blessing. Preston was oblivious. I got choked up and took a phone pic.

Andrew looks a little papal here, but he was just counting off rules. Mostly "remember who you are" type stuff.

The first morning of school arrived, and Asher felt a little nervous, but mostly excited.

Love this happy boy.

The bus finally came, and just like that,

he was off!

So were all bets on my emotional state. Preston (who was screaming and thrashing around in the stroller after being unable to ride the bus with Asher) and I walked home and I started loud, ugly crying before we even made it through the door. I hoped the neighbors we hadn't met weren't watching. Conveniently, the unfamiliar sound of sobbing shocked Preston out of his fit.

Then I received a call from my OB's office informing me I'd failed my glucose test and needed to come in for the fasting, three-hour, three-blood draw test as soon as possible. I thought this was stupid, since I knew they'd taken my blood 8 minutes early, I was BARELY over the limit, with no family history, signs or symptoms whatsoever, and only 25% of those who test high actually have gestational diabetes. The nurse didn't think any of these things mattered, and pressed me for the earliest time I could come in. But what was I supposed to do with Preston for three hours?

The Relief Society president was coming over for a meeting that afternoon, friends from Ohio were due in for dinner that night, with more company to follow. I got an email from a member of the bishopric, asking if I'd speak in church THAT Sunday. Too much stress, too many feelings - I crumpled into a heap in the hallway and wept bitterly. 

A confused Preston sat on my lap and tried to contort my mouth into a smile. "You not sad - you happy, mommy?" I took him up on every hug he offered and tried not to feel guilty for the very real possibility I was traumatizing him.

I was just struggling. Struggling with the idea of turning my child over to strangers for 2/3 of his waking hours, struggling to comply with a nurse's rigid protocol, struggling to fulfill inconvenient commitments, and struggling to accept a speaking assignment in a new ward with limited prep time.

But as I relaxed and tried to work through things one at a time, I realized there was a bigger lesson I needed to learn. Sometimes in life we need to fight for, or fight against things, but other times we need to be humble and submissive. Especially to the will of the Father. We try to live the very best we can, and when things crop up beyond our control, we need not struggle; we can be calm and feel peace knowing this life is meant to present challenges. Even with minor difficulties like mine, we can draw on the help and comfort of the Savior, and choose to be cheerful and prayerful, submitting to those things we must pass through. 

With those thoughts in mind, peace flooded my soul. 

It's been a week and a half. No tears since the hallway breakdown. Asher is loving kindergarten, although he  complains it's too long. Preston and I are enjoying the one-on one time, however, and I am grateful for the next month or so we'll have to hang out together before the new baby comes. 

I agreed to speak in church, but asked to use a talk I'd already written since time was short and we would be entertaining 3 sets of out-of-town guests between Wednesday and Sunday. They were fine with that, and I am grateful it was over quickly without hanging over my head long.

I also agreed to retake the 1-hour glucose test rather than the 3-hour, and happily, passed with no problem this time around. My little sister visiting from Canada was wonderful to watch Preston, and the whole thing wasn't so bad after all. I mostly resented the fact I could have had two delicious slices of cake instead of those flat, syrupy orange sodas. But cheers! We submit, we don't complain. :) 

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has blessed me with a full, rich life and even a semi-private forum in which to document minor upsets and honest feelings. Life is always good. :)

A Taste of the Ideal

We've spent the past month settling into the routine of normal life. Daddy leaves for work in the morning, and the kids and I play. Seriously, I've felt like a play-at-home mom. We usually take an outing in the morning - we'll try a new splash park, head to the playground, Calypso Cove, Kazoing, or the YMCA. We're finally Y members, and it is SO nice to have an hour where the kids are taken care of and I can just exercise and watch HGTV. Spoiled. Or as we say around here, "spowlt" - spowlt rott'n. 

 What you do when your two-year brother is napping and unable to destroy your happiness.

Master P sulking at Kazoing after being scolded for throwing a ball at someone.

I haven't had any work or school demands, and it has been so refreshing to solely focus on my family and homemaking. I shouldn't coin the term "play-at-home mom," because it's definitely work to keep everyone happy, fed, clean, clothed and learning.  Some days are harder than others.The boys sure know how to tease each other, scream, wrestle and whine, and while Preston is 100% potty trained, he's 0% poo-poo trained, so that's been wonderful fun.

 But things improve with time. The other day, we had a breakthrough Chick-Fil-A visit. Both boys stayed right by me until we finished ordering, then ate all their food without spills or fits. Preston didn't assault anyone in the play place, poop his pants or roll on the ground. We walked out of there holding hands across the parking lot and as they climbed into their own seats, I almost couldn't believe how good they'd been. 

I guess as your kids grow up a little, you don't want to slit your wrists as you leave public places as often. As I reflected on this a grateful smile played at my lips; then I remembered we're having another baby in a few months. 

But I am so happy about that. Really. Before conceiving, I pondered the incredible miracle children are...and all those who want so badly to have them, but are unable to. I think of those sweet people a lot. I made a little promise that if I could be pregnant again, I'd try to do it without complaining. Well lo and behold, this has been our easiest pregnancy by far, and I really have nothing to complain about! It's as if the heavens are helping me keep my promise....or trying to compensate for the fact that this little boy is going to be super, duper bad. :)  

The day Andrew got his first paycheck we went out and bought a sprinkler to help revive our dead lawn. Here's the boys' first backyard sprinkler experience. 

Hanging with this stinker during Sunday night dinner at Grammy and Gramp's house.

Anyway, homemaking...it does take more time to keep this place clean than our little condo. But we're so happy here. And cooking - the past couple years of us both busy with school and work made for much simpler meals at our house (as in, lots of quesadilla/"oops I forgot to plan dinner" nights). But lately it's been so much easier to have a real meal on the table when daddy rolls in around 5:30. He is only on call once every 3 weeks, and even then he's only had to go in to the office 2 or 3 times. He stays really busy with patients during the day, but he loves it (AND having access to a sweet doctor's lounge with chilled drinks and catered food at all times. Lucky...that's like my ultimate dream), and I'm so grateful for the way things are going.

Most nights when the kids go down, Andrew and I have time to watch something together, just as in days of yore. Somewhat tragically, folding clothes while watching the Bachelorette is one of my week's highlights (I hate myself a little for loving it...this season is awful, but I am still watching and dragging Andrew down with me). It really is the most entertaining sociological experiment.

We're in a beautiful phase where everyone sleeps through the night (another thing we'll kiss goodbye come October), so I have the focus and energy to stay on the boys when they're out of line, read to them lots, keep up our good family habits and even plan little Family Home Evenings instead of having the whole affair be an afterthought. Gotta say, I'm kind of loving these traditional gender roles and feel so lucky to be putting my best efforts toward the people that matter most. 

All that said, I am a little bummed to be starting work on my thesis. I take my program's final capstone course this fall, but since our new guy is arriving early October, need to get as much done ahead of time as possible. More on all that later. 

For now, I just want to document and drink in this month that has been such a taste of the ideal. 

The Month Between Studentdom and Real Peoplehood

I am happy to report that life in these parts is somehow still going really well, and major tradgedy or hardship has yet to befall us. Unless you count the air conditioner going out or our car breaking down. We can't complain - they were minor setbacks and actually timed beautifully. Plus we were trying to get rid of that money anyway...Andrew starts work tomorrow and we wanted to start fresh. 

The past 5 weeks has involved a move, gender ultrasound, graduation, trips to Emerald Isle, Chicago, entertaining our first house guests, our introduction to organized sports with Asher, and a first taste of normal life here in Louisville. Here are some scenes from our transition month:

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Joey, Kim and I at Andrew's graduation banquet where he received a big award. We lugged home a few thousand dollars worth of low vision equipment feeling so proud of our guy.

Earlier that day, we had learned we are expecting our THIRD BABY BOY!!! It was kind of a shock, and it has taken me some time to readjust my expectations for life. Our chances of ever having a girl just got a lot slimmer. I think I may have blown an audition to the heavens at some point with my tragic little girl hair skills. But Heavenly Father knows what's best for our family. We love our cute, crazy boys so much, and are a little relieved to stay in boy mode. This little babe looks so sweet and perfect and our overwhelming emotion is definitely gratitude. 

I love this baby so much.

The next day was Andrew's graduation. It was a culmination of so much sacrifice and hard work...it drew out so many big emotions. Incredibly proud of this wonderful man!

Having out of town family there to celebrate with us meant so much.

Saying goodbye to good friends was hard...but I am so glad we were along together for this journey. Can't wait to jet set to conferences with you people!

The brothers-in-law minus Adam

Standing in the light at the end of the tunnel

The next day we took off to North Carolina to visit dear friends at the beach. We made so many great memories as a family and loved the opportunity to get together with friends every night when the kids when down. As a parent, that's living, man.

We love visiting the Pine Knoll Shores Aquarium! But in case you needed an update, sharks are still scary, evil looking fish.

Throwing, digging, diving...we all beach in our own way.

After a week of sightseeing, socializing, showering sand off oureselves and overeating, we arrived home from North Carolina and left the next day for our brother-in-law Brian's dental school graduation in Chicago. When we weren't cheering him on, wer were eating at Portillo's, sampling Giordonno's deep dish, and partying it up at the Embassy Suites.

We had the best couple of days with everyone and are so proud of this amazing family!

Bryan is now not only a dentist, but also a captain in the Army, and as such, had not one, but two ceremonies to attend in the afternoon (during nap time. Eek!). Preston held out for us though! Crashed hard on the way home at 4 PM.

We had a day back in Louisville before a visit from our good friends from Columbus for Memorial Day Weekend. We were a little dead after all our traveling, but had so much fun getting to entertain.

A major force in our new lives here in Louisville is baseball. One of the few benefits to having a baseball obsessed grandfather is that you get to enjoy his season tickets regularly. We've managed to go to a game at Slugger Field every week since we've been back. That's a lot of hot dogs, cotton candy, Cracker Jacks and spilled soda. I always bring wipes, my camera, and constant fear a foul will hit us at any moment.

The boys got to run the bases last week, which was so fun to watch.

And Ash man ran a lot of bases last week - his first little league game was on Saturday. Posted this pic to Instagram with this caption:

  "It's not every day your little boy hits a home run on the first pitch of his very first baseball game, and that your kids get to go to the toy store with gramps. It's not every day you have the best brunch at Wild Eggs, a backyard water fight, and get the whole house and both cars clean. It's not every day you eat free Penn Station, find the cutest park ever, and discover the community where you want to retire (‪#‎nortoncommons‬, whaaaat?!). It's not every day your husband makes you the first dirty Coke you've ever had (where have I BEEN??), so even when it keeps you awake hours later, you just feel happy and want to document this perfect day."

And for anyone interested in the delight known as a dirty Coke. I only drink soda on rare occasions, but perhaps I've been a fool. Do yourself a favor and try one -  Coke, a splash of coconut, and fresh squeezed lime all over ice with a straw -  soo good!

All the Best

Have you ever had one of those amazing streaks where life feels so good, SO full of tender mercies that you're secretly paranoid some terrible trial HAS to be lurking around the corner to level it all out? No?Most people are more sane than I am. I just know mortality is not meant to be easy...but lately life's offerings have my heart bubbling over with joy and gratitude.

Here are some big time good things going down in our world:

1) We bought a house this week! It was something we were very prayerful about, and honestly, we truly felt the hand of the Lord throughout every step of the process. I used to do home loans before we had kids, and remember how much of a giant paperwork nightmare these affairs can be. But everything was so incredibly smooth. We are so happy with the house and I seriously look at pictures of it all the time. Who needs cable when you're obsessed with looking at the same 43 photos, amirite?

 Here is a link to interior photos. I can't help it. It's just such a great house for our family.

2) We just wrapped up a fantastic week and a half trip with family. Easter festivities, conference weekend, an overnight Owensboro trip (where we got to stay in a presidential suite overlooking the river!), celebrating Andrew and his twin Ali's 30th birthdays...it was such magic (minus Asher turning into somewhat of a spoiled monster while under the charm of grandparents. He's doing better now...real life with us is like rehab).

3) Andrew has two short weeks of clinic until he graduates (GRADUATES!!!), and we'll get to celebrate a fun, significant weekend in Columbus with family. After celebrating graduation and mother's day, we'll head to Emerald Isle for a week at the beach with our best friends. And I haven't even told you what may be the best part of that whole line up, which leads me to our next big blessing:

4) We are having a BABY!! Truly, we feel so happy to be expecting a child in the fall. This blessing came on the heels of a partial molar pregnancy last November; losing a baby was far more difficult than we could have imagined. But life's sorrows make joys sweeter, and we feel all the more grateful now. Sooooo, all this to say we are scheduled to find out what we're having the Friday before graduation. Let's pray for a cooperative baby on May 8th!

Anyway, a few days after Emerald Isle, we'll take a trip to Chicago for our brother-in-law's dental school graduation. Being with family is truly what dreams are made of, so naturally, we're pumped to spend a couple days in a cool place with our favorite people. And you know what? Even though I'm a big-time anticipator, I'm not even a little depressed thinking about June 1st when all the excitement has died down and Andrew starts his new job. We'll have a new place to settle into, a YMCA membership to enjoy (finally!), and a summer to soak in. 

So maybe I'm still a little scared that Heavenly Father is going to humble us with something super difficult soon. I assure him daily that I can work on myself without the help of refining experiences, but we'll see how long I'm humored. *SIGH....Life is just so good right now, you all. And really, isn't it always?

Perfect Snow Day

My weak blogging goal lately is to post at least once a month. Hello, March 31st! My favorite season is officially here, but we've really had to fight for spring this year! We still needed coats this week.

Sunday, March 1st brought us a storm of perfect snow. Church was cancelled (which was especially merciful since we are currently in the dreaded 1:00 spot), so while Preston took the nap he so desperately needs but is usually forced to skip, the rest of us threw on boots and coats right over our comfy clothes and headed out to shovel and play.

Don't judge - snow days mean no make up or hair brushing. 

Asher and his beloved snowman. I'll be honest - we were really cozy inside and Andrew and I struggled to be excited about gearing up and playing in the snow at first. But we knew Asher would love it, and it was so sweet to laugh and play together...family memories made one snowball at a time. Life lesson: Sacrificing selfishness always pays dividends in the end. 

We came inside and had hot cocoa next to a warm fire and enjoyed a yummy crockpot roast and homemade macaroni and cheese. If every snow day were this perfect, I'd gladly take more snow in March. 

The Horizon

I don't know how it became February, but here is our life at a glance right now:

Andrew begins his FINAL round of rotations tomorrow, which meeeaans....three months til graduation, baby!! Adulthood has come after all. Even bigger news - last month he signed a contract with a practice in Louisville, so we will be heading back home in May. We could not have designed a better opportunity, but big decisions await. Namely, when and exactly where to buy a house. Andrew spends a good portion of his free time on Zillow finding prospects, and I gotta say - looking at houses together may as well be Netflix in these parts. So much fun! Crossing our fingers we can complete the purchase process in the next few months...moving is equal parts exciting and stressful.

In my corner, things have been stupid busy. Last fall I started working from home for my friend's upstart to help handle customer relations, wholesale accounts, and collaborations. It eats up more and more time, but I love the work and am so grateful for the extra income. Between the boys, work, grad school, babysitting, and serving with the young women, there's a lot of laundry that doesn't get done around here. Andrew picks up my slack, eats whatever I try to pass off as dinner, and even lets me sneak away for basketball a couple times a week. Although life is busier than I'd like, I am still extremely grateful for everything demanding my attention right now. I admit to having retirement age fantasies lately...but truly love this chapter of life, with or without time to leisure read or mall walk.

Asher Joseph just turned 5, and is amazing us in so many ways lately. Honestly, we are usually the parents that err to the side of bemoaning our children's behavior more than bragging about their every accomplishment, but I've got to give the boy credit - he has really taken an interest in reading, writing, adding and subtracting. He sounds out words all day and read his first book all the way through last week. He writes what words sound like (as in tonight's episode - Asher and the Steele Famelee). It is really cute and encouraging to see him enjoy scholastic learning, because he didn't show a huge interest a year ago...we have tried to make worksheets a fun thing to do, and paid close attention to his cues. When he seems checked out, it's off he goes to play.

...play that often looks a lot like fighting with his little brother. These boys are rough. Adorable, but charged with testosterone to the point they could be donors. Not that that's a thing. But they truly want to box, roar and wrestle all day. 

Preston is the most interesting blend of sweetness and aggression. He never shrinks from a fight, but really is so affectionate and seems more and more obedient and kind. Any time he shares a toy with Asher, he says "Mommy, I nisth (nice)!" and holds up his hand for a high five. He began really singing a few weeks ago, and it melts us to puddles. He is getting to be such a truly good, sweet boy, and while several months ago we thought he was juvy-bound for sure, think more and more he might make it after all.

So grateful for this life of ours and the exciting things looming on the horizon.