Andrew left for a conference in D.C. today. He'll be gone for a whopping 5 days. He's been so looking forward to this trip (especially since this is his first visit), and I've been so dreading it. Why? Because I'm selfish, weak, and hate to be without him.
It's just...last week, we were together having fun in the Mexican sun! And I'm juxtaposing that with my current reality - alone in a semi-new place with a sleeping toddler, while it happens to be cold, dark and stormy out. Sad. A little funny, but mostly sad.
Andrew was elected as his school's trustee last month, which means he'll be attending several big conferences in cities across the U.S. each year. It's an excellent opportunity to represent his school, network, and be a voice in his field. I'm ultra proud of him. And jealous he gets to enjoy so much paid-for travel. He came home yesterday excitedly informing me of an additional three conferences he'll be attending in the coming months and, happy for him though I was, it made me melancholy to think of us apart so much. I decided to take a walk.
I do some of my best thinking on walks. So as I was carting Asher around the neighborhood, musing over my feelings towards Andrew's impending trips, it occurred to me: all this talk I hear about the importance of being an "independent woman," and I am not an independent woman!! Oh no. What is wrong with me?
When Andrew left this morning, I cried. Cried. And it wasn't the first time. How dumb.
I don't know why I've been bemoaning his absence this way - he'll be back, for pete's sake! Think of doctor's wives, military wives, SINGLE PEOPLE! Being alone is healthy, by golly, and I used to enjoy it. So why this response? Perhaps I've become too dependent on my husband. Who's going to warm up my feet in bed tonight? Take out the trash? Show me how to work our TV?
Maybe I've just been more emotional lately. No...no, I definitely have. But my nutty ways don't explain my bigger problem: the undesirable status I've achieved as a dependent woman.
Listen, maybe independence is overrated. Maybe God didn't intend for us to be independent at all. Neither the man without the woman, nor the woman without the man...yes, we need each other. I am so happy to only be half of our whole.
How's that for quick resolution?
So no more brooding tonight. I'm so, so glad Andrew is having a good time in Washington D.C.. Ash man and I are going to get out and have some fun too. I'm really looking forward to general conference weekend, and working on some of my own projects while watching whatever musical or chick flick I feel like. Just felt real excitement. :) Life is so good.
The End
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You miss his toe nails, don't you ;)
ReplyDeleteThis post cracked me up! When we moved out here Kyle went on a bunch of trips and I went through the same thing learning how to be alone. But you know what I discovered after getting over the initial shock of suddenly being alone? That I Love it!! I'm always ready for him to come back after a few days, but you gotta learn to love the independence! It really can be a lot of fun for a couple days :)
ReplyDeleteHilary, you were so right! I actually did end up enjoying my time alone. I mean, you can't watch The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants unless no one is there to hold you accountable. But yes, a few days without them is enough. ;)
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