Ella's Blessing; Sarah's Tangent

We were so grateful to attend our new niece Ella's blessing last weekend! Such a nice couple of days. Only having to drive 4 hours to see family is a great, big blessing. Especially when your family consists of these wonderful people!

 

 Proud grandparents

 

 

Aubrey and Asher

Jaclyn and her new baby girl. So I might idolize this woman just a little...she is an amazing mother to 3 kids 3 and under, a loving wife to a busy branch president, teaches middle school full-time, maintains a beautifully decorated home, is a wonderful cook, has somehow managed to earn her masters and rank one, and still finds time to think of others. In short, she embodies what I want to be more than almost anything right now: on top of it.

You know people who are on top of it...ultra organized, ultra productive, ultra balanced, and ultra hot.

 The last one was kind of an afterthought, but it seems to be true a lot. Sure doesn't hurt.

Anyway, I think I have realistic desires. Among other things, I want to maintain a clean, ordered house, take my children on fun, educational outings, be an extra-thrifty shopper, make from scratch both healthy and highly delicious meals, devote daily time to scripture study and reflection, get 8 hours of sleep every night, render service to others, maintain correspondence with family and friends, and exercise for an hour 5 days a week. Totally achievable, right? Well, maybe for most people.

Thing is, "on top of it" don't come easy. Fast-paced and organized are not qualities that came packaged in my genetic make up (Why, DNA? WHHHHYYYYY!!?????). Instead, I am slow, easily overwhelmed and hopelessly scatterbrained. It's depressing. 

 And I'm not positive "pregnancy brain" is real, but the last 8 months I've seemed like even more of a forgetful, run-down mess. And I'm less patient with myself. Because, hey,  let's be real - the pressure's on! In less than three weeks, everything will change drastically. We'll have another human life on our hands! My duties will double, and my always-capable Andrew will be largely unavailable. Our new "addition" will be doing a lot of subtraction - in terms of sleep, time and energy. So how is this going to go? What am I going to do?

I believe most human matters boil down to choices, so I constantly resolve to do something about my deficiencies. I make great lists, think about the tasks at hand, try to power through my plans, and still somehow fall short every. single. day. It's really hard when your best isn't good enough. 

 And the fact it's been months since I set foot in a gym, the toilets need cleaning, and my family is doing good to get a home cooked meal half the time lately isn't what gets to me. It's the fear life's demands and my capacity are negatively correlated. The fear I won't improve. The fear my flaws will always keep me from becoming the wife and mother I dream of being.

I shouldn't dwell on my inadequacies and anxieties...negativity never helps. As I've struggled with these thoughts lately, I've taken great comfort in Ether 12:27:

  And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness; I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

I just love that verse. And that last part gives me such hope. I don't want to be unrealistic about my expectations for the future. And I don't want to be too hard on my present self...I really do try, and while I never get everything done, we do pretty well at the important things. Our little family is a happy one. And our new addition will certainly add to that. :)